Buh-bye

Hi All,

Well today we said Buh-bye to Aidai and her to us. I think it probably was the hardest thing I have ever done. We had a pretty good day with her t the park and then we went back early so we had some quiet time with her to say goodbye. We gave her the photo album which was a huge hit. It has picture of us with her as well as previously taken photos of Josh, Ellen, Oma, Papi, Uncle Mike and Aunt Jen.

She has become alot more verbal this past week and when we gave her the photo album she asked the interpreter "Is it mine?". It is the only thing that is really hers, well that and the Pooh bear we gave her today. We also brought new shoes because the kids wear the same shoes everyday so we figured she would always have something from us with her. We don't expect any of the clothes, shoes, or toys we gave her back except for the album and Pooh.

Once she looked through the album our interpreter explained to her that we had to go away on an airplane and that we would come back but not for many days. They mentioned a little boy who went home a few months ago to help her understand that we will come back like his Mama and Papa did. They said she seems to understand, we pray that she really does.

Then it was time to take her to lunch and say goodbye. We took her back to her group and she went right to the nurse to show her the new things she had and told her all about the pictures. She says Mama and Papa really well but Josh comes out like Osh right now. Not too bad considering she just saw his picture today. I think she is very excited to have a brat (brother).

Whe hugged her tight and kissed her and told her we loved her. She waved her little hand and once again said "buh-bye" and then turned to get ready for lunch. I honestly just bolted out of the building and down the path and lost myself in hysterical tears. Bill came out and we cried and then it was time for the drive back. We had our interpreter and coordinator in the car and really didn't want to be public with my grief so we basically got ourselves together. Having small talk all the way to the hotel made it easier because then I didn't have to think.

We've both shed a few tears since this afternoon but are doing okay. I think the anxiety of having to say goodbye and wondering how bad it would be was the worst part. I still hurt and miss her already but atleast that is the last time I will ever have to leave her at the orphanage. When we return we go get her the day after we arrive and she comes to the hotel with us from then on.

I will be completely honest and say that I am in the minority out of those of us here (Bill and the other family). I DO NOT want to go home at all. I honestly don't care when I see any of you people again! I know that I will see you all eventually so it just really isn't a priority, I want to be with my child. I feel guilty saying that, but I am pretty sure you all understand. I think when I am home and busy with preparations for her, I will be fine, but now I just could care less.

I knew I would love her, I had no idea how much.

Elizabeth